About Me:

Hi! My name is Karley Sciortino.
This is a blog intended to trick strangers into thinking my life is more exciting than it actually is.

Tuesday
Sep132011

Ask Slutever (AKA Ask No Bra)

For this installment of Ask Slutever I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Susanne Oberbeck. Under the name No Bra she makes disturbing, experimental punk music; her topless, monotone live performances never fail to both confuse and enlighten people with their sublime awkwardness. Susanne is also one of the most genuinely interesting, intelligent, I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-you-think people I’ve ever met. And TBH in this alternative sphere that most of us reading this blog revolve in, where everyone is just a little bit “weird”, or makes some form of craaazy art, or is in an experimental noise band that also makes DIY zines about emerging street style (with vague undertones of paedophilia), it’s rare to meet someone who truly stands out from the rest, who you just can’t take your eyes off of. For me, that’s No Bra!

No Bra’s single “Munchausen” is definitely in my top 10 favorite songs of all time. Also, her song “Doherfuckher” is on the soundtrack to Bruce La Bruce’s gay zombie film Otto; or, Up with Dead People (one of my faves). Her new single, “Minger”, is mega fab, and you can watch the video for it below. I’m in it vomiting milk, obvs.

Directed by No Bra and Matthew Stone

1. I recently slept with a guy three times my age for money. No one knows about it, and I don't feel like I could ever tell any of my friends because they would judge me. It's not something I plan to do as a job, but for a bit of extra money I might do it again. Do you think the fact that I won't tell anyone about it is a sign that I shouldn't be doing it? Anna, Somewhere
Don’t tell your friends if you feel they would be judgmental. However I’ve had friends that were prostitutes or escorts etc, and all of them eventually developed some kind of substance problem, along with various psychological issues, so do it if it’s fun, but stop if it isn’t. Also make sure that you are not becoming dependent on it financially. There is a reason that it’s easy money, and this is partially due to the fact that it’s still harder for women, and some men, to make a lot of money doing something they are actually good at, and it’s in the interest of old and ugly rich guys who can’t get laid to keep it that way. This isn’t your or anybody’s fault, rather it’s the mechanics of capitalism, and the individual can’t do a lot to change it, but women collectively should try and fight it, and make sure they don’t become victims of the situation. So unless you get some kind of sexual kick out of it and actually enjoy it, or you are looking for material for a novel or a record or whatever, I would be wary of overdoing it and instead try and find some other way of making decent money, even if it initially seems more difficult.

1. Through a thorough examination of the Slutever website and, quite frankly, my entire life, I was able to pull out characteristics that might be viewed by some as "hipster." I was wondering how you feel about this subculture? Is it even a subculture? Or is it just a reproduced reflection of past rebellion that has been marketed to the youth of Western society? Steven, UK
I’m from England and we don’t use the word hipster other than to describe low-cut trousers. To my ears it sounds like a lazy, reductive, jealous suburban expression – something a person’s dad might make up. Like there’s something wrong with being fashionable. The term makes no sense anyway because most of the people that would be considered “hipster”--e.g. the citizens of Williamsburg--are not hip. You should ask some old school jazz musicians what the term really means and take it from there.

3. I recently got caught shoplifting a pearl thong, it was horrible. But the worst of it is I was stealing it to look hot for my idiot boyfriend who I don’t even think notices what I wear anyway. Then my gay BFF told me (although I don’t know why I’m listening to him because he doesn’t even like girls) that dudes don’t even care about stuff like lingerie, which makes me feel even more dumb. Should I bother? Kiera, TX
Some guys do care about lingerie and clearly you care about it enough to shop lift it, so my suggestion is dump your boyfriend and find a new one that is into kinky lingerie sex and keep lifting!

Sunday
Sep112011

GIRLCORE Magazine

GIRLCORE is an all-girl collective from London that, for the past four years, has been throwing some of the best, most glitter-centric parties in Europe, from Paris to Moscow to Athens. They are also some of my bestest friends. (I now like to think of myself as GIRLCORE's New York correspondent, even though since I moved I have yet to help out with anything whatsoever. Sorry guys!)

Anywayz, GIRLCORE recently launched GIRLCORE Magazine--on online gallery promoting new artists, photographers and illustrators, all of whom are GIRLS. The work so far is amazing! Below is a little sampler I created of the work that instantly caught my eye. Also, if you're interested in being featured in the mag, you can send submissions to the lovely Julia Corsaro at submissions@girlcoremag.com. The only stipulation is that you have a vagina.

Artists in order of appearance: Margaret Durrow (opening image), Adriana Petit, Katrina d Autremont, Jody Rogac, Brandi Strickland, Ariel Rosenbloom, Katie Shapiro, Sarah Akano, Elena Chernyak, Ellen Rogers, Aela Labbe (3 images), Antonela Moltini, Samantha Casolari, Susu Laroche, Alba Yruela, Julieta Sans, Luiza Sa

Thursday
Sep082011

Slave Art

Brad, one of my pee slaves, makes me a little drawing every time we meet for a session, to show me how much he cares about me and my urine. You can see a couple of his past drawings here and here. However this week he upped his game and made me an entire comic book! Check it out!

Pee.S. I really appreciate all of your comments on the blog lately. I want to hear your feedback on each post, even if what you're saying is "that was shit," because it's important for me to know what y'all are thinking! And TBH, it's OK if we don't agree on everything.

A+ from me Brad!!!

Tuesday
Sep062011

My MTV Crib

Me in my office

Somewhere amid the zillions of hate comments on my last post (yikes!) someone suggested I post some photos of my apartment, and I've decided to do just that! Also, Tavi has been blogging about her bedroom recently, and obvs I have to do everything Tavi does.

As some of you long time readers know, I've lived in many-a-shithole, both in London and NYC. My current apartment is the first place I've lived, since moving out of my parents' house, that didn't look like this. However I can't take much credit for it. My roommate, Amanda, lived here for a year before me and is primarily responsible for the house looking the way it does. Minus my room.

Da living room, where we have cerebral conversations and mutually masturbate (simultaneously).

Our shrine to Artemis, virgin goddess of the hunt, wilderness, wild animals, childbirth and plague.

My friend Phoebe looking hot while eating tacos in our pop art kitchen. The chalkboard wall in the background is where we jot down our important business notes.

Fridge, complete with multiple of Brad's piss drawings. Those colorful Polaroids are "aura photos", purchasable from Magic Jewelry in Chinatown. What color is your aura? Find out today for just $15!

"Grizley Spears" collage, made by Amanda and her friend Selma. When I asked what the inspiration behind it was, Amanda replied, "We were drunk".

This is a portrait of my friend Lauren as a child. You may recognize Lauren as the exercise instructor from our High Fashion Exercise video.

Middle Eastern Madonna purchased by Amanda for $20 from a homeless man on Bedford Avenue. Great for staring at while peeing.

Gotta have my bowl gotta have vitamins (and cranberry pills to promote urinary track health).

One of Hamilton's important science experiments that I'm not allowed to touch.

My room! Was going to clean it up for the picture but then remembered I promised to "get real", so decided to leave the underwear on the floor. American flag purchased from Duane Read for just $9.99 yall!

It's very Tavi of me to be reading this book.

We are fans of "art".

... and "music".

Paper model of laughing Hasidic Jew. (No home is complete without one.)

Scientology stress test machine usurped by Amanda as a trophy after having lezbionic sex with a Scientologist. Handy at dinner parties.

SMILE!

Wednesday
Aug312011

I got the Swag and it's Pumpin' out my Ovaries



So I’m over Paz de la Huerta and have moved on to a new girl obsession: Kreayshawn, AKA the “Gucci Gucci” girl. I interviewed her for Dazed the other day, and got really excited in a way I rarely do about interviewing "celebrities" (especially musicians--no offense). If you aren’t familiar, here’s some background:

Kreayshawn is 21 year old, loud-mouthed rapper from Oakland. Her debut single “Bumpin Bumpin” became a Youtube hit last winter, after which she became the topic of a zillion online debates about whether her irreverent, white-girl rap was the real deal, or just a really addictive spoof. Next came the viral sensation “Gucci Gucci”, the video for which features her LOLzing around with pals Odd Future on LA’s Fairfax Ave, rapping about blunts, Arby’s and Adderall. The video now has over 15 million views on Youtube, half of which I’m pretty sure were me. A lot of people seem to hate her, but I'm like WHY? Her music is good and she's really fucking funny... what's the problem? Judging by her Best New Artist VMA nomination and her recent big bucks deal with Columbia, she'll probably be giving birth to tiny eggs of herself onstage before you can say “I got the Swag and it's Pumpin’ out my Ovaries”.

Before life as an internet celeb, Kreayshawn directed music videos for Bay Area rap figures like Lil B, and she recently made a video for--randomly??--the Red Hot Chili Peppers. She also has a really lolz Tumblr where she regularly posts photos of herself smoking giant blunts, and super girly gifs of her face covered in sparkly Hello Kitty animations. She also looks like a lesbian thrift store cholita who works at Kid Robot. Which is cool, obvs. Below is an excerpt from our very serious and important conversation.

All of you Youtube videos have captions like ‘Hella high. Spittin’ some poetry from my soul... lol’. Do you love weed so much?
Kreayshawn: Yeah, I smoke a lotta lotta lotta weed. I have a couple songs that are just decided to smoking weed, like “God Bless this Doobie,” and stuff like that. I’m all about the weed.

What do you like besides weed?
Sailor moon, anime--I’m into stuff that’s really feminine. My room is all pink and covered in Christmas lights and Hello Kitty everything. That’s pretty much the swag right there.

So girly is good?
Yeah man. I’m hoping to inspire girls to do whatever is it they love--art, painting, graffiti, all that. It's the girlpower message! Because there be beef out there in the streets, and it’s harder for girls. Guys get intimidated by powerful women, and some people don’t like me already before they even hear what I’m doing.

That ain’t cool yo.
Or other times I might get the easy way in on something, but then I realize it’s because this dude has a huge crush on me. But that’s not something I want to deal with so I just tell everyone I’m a lesbian and it works out way better that way.

What is your reaction to people thinking your music is inauthentic?
I feel like people watch the “Bumpin Bumpin” video with a Rebecca Black vibe. They’re like, ‘Is this girl making this song for real?! Does she really think this is cool?’ And I’m like, ‘Yo bitch, “Bumpin Bumpin” is serious. That’s a serious hit right there! That’s the swag!’

#OBVZ

OK I have a few more quick but very important questions for you.
OK shoot.

God or your iPhone?
My iPhone. God can’t tell me how to get somewhere. Google maps can.

Cat eye or smoky eye?
Cat eye.

Weed or Adderoll?
Weed, duh.

Brick Lane or Fairfax Avenue?
Brick Lane! It’s my favorite place to shop in the world.

Nicki Minaj or Lil’ Kim?
I can’t pick. I pick Kreayshawn.

Cat or dogs?
Are you crazy? Cats all day. I’m a crazy cat lady.

Beyonce or Gaga?
I like them both.

“The L word” or “The Real L Word”?
“The L word.” Loads of my friends in L.A. are on “The Real L Word” though. Those chicks are crazy!

I love you.